Marriage and Singleness at Fuller | The SEMI

M

edia tends to play up relationships like nobody?s business. Everyone?s dating, looking for a date, or coping after a breakup. The ideal life just hasn?t started until you?re in a relationship, chick-flicks leave you with the impression that ?happily ever after? is all there is, and virtually every magazine and entertainment news show gives details on celebrity break-ups and make-ups.

I am a student on campus who has developed a special interest in the lives of couples ? particularly those who have gone the distance, and committed to marriage. My research and clinical interests are focused on this specific ?population? and some of my most valuable courses in my undergraduate and graduate training have been related to this subject. The very concept of two people committing their lives to each other ? before God and members of their community ? intrigues me and that same curiosity fuels my present field of study. I have many married friends, and I have been a keen observer of numerous marital relationships for as long as I can remember. All to say ? I?m a pretty big fan of marriage.

But in my subjective experience of marriage, I am not married myself. As a product of the post-modern age, I feel compelled to confess that my experiences of marriage have all been indirect. This generation is beginning to understand the value of highlighting the context of one?s experiences, and acknowledging the inherent subjectivity therein.

It has often been stated that the unmarried gentlemen from the School of Theology make it a point to come by and ?hang out? in the School of Psychology.

While embracing my status as a single woman, it behooves me to share that I approach this topic with an attitude of humility, though coupled with a spirit of curiosity. In light of this, I admit that there are a host of questions that could be asked, and observations that could be made about the status of marriage in the United States and emphasis on marriage in the Church, but this article will hone in on some on a particular population that is near and dear to many of us: Fuller Theological Seminary. I will focus our attention on the general state of marriage on Fuller?s campus, and will incorporate a brief list of observations from the various facets of our community. Perhaps these observations will be familiar to you. Perhaps they will be enlightening. You may even find yourself in disagreement with a thing or two! All of these are welcomed responses. The main point is simply to offer a perspective on marriage at Fuller from the perspective of a single member of our community.

One of the first things to notice is that marriage is highly regarded in the Fuller community. While the institution of marriage has not been granted any special status in our community, actions speak louder than words. There are many married people on our campus, and while many of our students enter their graduate studies ?unattached,? it is safe to say that the married folks outnumber the single folks by quite a bit. On any given day, scan the halls of any number of Fuller housing units, and it is plausible to assume that the majority of apartment doors with two names tacked to the front belong to a married couple rather than a pair of roommates. A follow-up observation demonstrates that a large portion of students enter their degree programs after they?ve already tied the knot. If I were a modern Church historian, I am sure that I would have ample evidence to prove that far more single people are entering seminary (and graduate studies for that matter) than in previous years. But they do not make up the majority at Fuller. The changes in tide may be significantly related to the shifts of enrollment that account for an increase in female attendance, and a general alteration of age matriculation to seminary as a whole. A major shift in recent cultural norms has encouraged multiple career changes, making room for our more mature, seminarian comrades. Likewise, the materialization of an entirely new life stage ? Emerging Adulthood (approximately 18-35) ? affirms additional time for many younger students to prolong the process ?self-discovery? and entrance into the workforce.

Another observation would be that many who have not already ?found that special someone? are likely to do so before they have their diploma in hand. Perhaps the same myths that pervade the atmosphere of Christian undergraduate institutions have been propagated; namely, that ?it is much more likely that you will find a Christian spouse while at a Christian school, than at any other time in your life.? For those who feel called to marriage, I think that this is a frightening prospect. Finding ?the one? before you exit your program seems particularly likely for those within the School of Psychology. There are a multitude of untested hypothesis concerning the causes for this observation but it has often been stated that the unmarried gentlemen from the School of Theology make it a point to come by and ?hang out? in the School of Psychology ? a field that is largely populated by women in this generation. Perhaps this is a trend in doctoral programs in general? I?m not sure, but I would be interested to find out. I once made a non-monetary bet with a group of classmates to guess the percentage of our cohort that would be married by the end of each of our five years together. Thus far, my suppositions have proven to be correct. The number of single members of my cohort has exponentially decreased in size between the first and third year of the program.

Moving outside of the realm of students, one might note that the vast majority of our incredible faculty find themselves in marital relationships as well. I sense a lesser degree of authority in stating that this is also the case for members of Fuller staff.? I?ve observed a significant portion of our staff team also double up as Fuller students or alumni. Perhaps this transitional phase partially accounts for, in part, the higher percentage of those who are unmarried? Thus, it seems evident that a general assessment of the major facets of our community find themselves dominated by married people. This word, ?dominated,? connotes a sense of power and influence, and I don?t take that fact lightly. While I would never venture to say that married men and women seek to hold any type of undue sway over the unmarried among us, I believe that there is a message being conveyed by the simple fact that married folks are in the majority. And that message is simply this: marriage is, indeed, highly esteemed in our community.

My clinical and research radars are automatically triggered by such a statement, and a series of questions immediately flood my mind in response:? Is marriage only esteemed because it signifies a ?complete? life in our culture? What are the far-reaching implications of the historic Church?s sanction of marriage as a sacrament? What tensions, if any, exists between an individual?s feelings of incompleteness, and the church?s subtle (and not-so-subtle) push to marry? How do all of these factors play into the lives of Fuller couples? These questions must remain unanswered for now, but it is fitting to acknowledge at least some of the benefits of such a high view of marriage on our campus.

From a single?s perspective, there are a myriad of practical benefits of having a spouse as a graduate student: 1) An automatic sounding board for paper topics and research theses, 2) A ready source of encouragement when strength seems to be waning and the months (or years) ahead seem bleak, 3) A living, breathing reminder that life is more than academic work, 4) A listening ear when all hell seems to be breaking loose in your life, and 5) Someone to help you recall the purpose for which you entered the program in the first place, and to reaffirm your call.

A number of caveats are in order after staking such claims. First of which is to acknowledge that it would be far from the truth to claim that these roles are only fulfilled by a spouse. Many healthy people who are invested in a thriving community have been embraced by those who fulfill these roles for them. Second, it would be unfair to assume that all spouses are willing and able to be such a source of support, in every circumstance. In spite of these concessions, it bears emphasizing that those who have been graced with the gift of a husband or wife have indeed found a good thing (Prov. 18:22).

In light of these appraisals, I propose a challenge: to make room for open and direct affirmation of the call to singleness ? whether temporary or permanent. The life of a Western individual is inundated with lofty ideas of romantic relationships and the Church plays a vital role in the cultivation of what our more mystical brothers and sisters have aptly named ?divine imagination.? A part of the Church?s call to be counter-cultural involves the creation of a safe space that not only makes room for, but affirms our members who have not chosen (or sensed a call to) married life.

In breadth of influence, Fuller plays an unparalleled role in its ability to help stem the tide in this regard. In order for us to continue to establish an environment where marriage is esteemed and valued, it is incumbent upon us to affirm, and make room for, members of our community who have been called to model the life of Christ from a different experience.

Source: http://www.thesemi.org/marriage-and-singleness-at-fuller

stacy keibler all star game oscar red carpet daytona 500 start time ryan zimmerman oscars red carpet jennifer lopez wardrobe malfunction